dear chinnu,

Trust me I tried my best not to write this for u but I couldnt help it, I had to pour my heart out atleast here. Chinnu, i know u are very happy wid ur married life. I have no complaints regarding that. But I dont know y I am day by day in the attempt of forgetting u and moving on my feelings for u is getting stronger. I am trying hard to notice all the negatives in u, though I am succesfull in convincing myself abt some of them but by the end of the day my love for u overpowers and make me forget everything.

There have been days when u have been nice to me but somehow I dont find any kinds of feelings left in u for me. I know u have moved on and I have no rights to even expect any kind of love or affection from u but I want to know what made u move on so easily? wasnt it difficult for u? or am I only foolish to have got stuck here, trying hard to find u in someone else.

I want u kano. Please lets be like before. I dont care wat the world thinks, please please please lets live for each other. I dont know what our relationship needs to be calledthn but I dont know I cant live without u. pleeasssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee think about this. I really really love u. I am sorry for hurting u please be mine:-(

I love u and only you

good bye

i wish i had neverfallen in love with u...i didnt know it would be so easy for u to come out of it and so difficult for me to digest that. i hate myself for all that i have done to myself and all the decisions i have taken. i regret it and will regret it for the rest of my life........i wish my life wouldnt get so 'complicated'. i know i am the onlyone who's responsible for all this and i know only i can correct it. i wish i can correct it as early as possible. i am finding it extremely difficult to deal with emotions these days. i have decided to switch off my phone from tom. i cannot deal with the depression whic comes the moment i strt expecting reply to all my messages. I dont knw if that will make any difference to u but i know it will make a lot of diff to my life but i will deal with it. I love you chinnu more than everyone in this world.

Hoping that someday u will realise that i was a dumb girl but then loved u more than my life. I am sure u will nt find another person like me to love u so much.

take care and GOOD BYE!

eshto varshagalada mele nin jote matadta idini ansta ide. ondu maatu kella? ee badalavane ashtond avashyavagita? agiteno nange gotaglila ansate:-( nindenu tappila naane sari illa. eega aa magugoskara nadru ninna maribeku? alwa? sorry chinnu adu naninda agala:-( idu nanna tappalla.
Nan manasu opta illa. eshtu avna jote hondkolake trymadidru nange agta illa. aa magu mele baruva priti nishkalmashavadadu like u said atleast that should get my uncompromising love! and yes he will get that. but dear, my love for u can never die. i know u have stopped caring for me. The day i got admitted it was like i was in a hell and my only wish then was to speak to u once only once so that even if something happened to me i would die peacefully. but u know when u called me i somehow felt that disconnect. i felt u no more cared forme. but then i also felt may be its just my feeling and its not lke that.
I waited for u to respond, i know it wasnt a moment of celebration for u like it was for my family but then i thought u will atleast be concerned abt me an come to see me the veryday but u didnt i waited and waited but u never came. the tone which u spoke just didnt have any feelings towars me:-( i knew then everything b/w us was over forever.
You have decided tomove on and u have successfully moved on. I am the one who is stuck here not knowing wat to do. I have messed up my life completely. I alsways believed my life was the best and i will make it great but i failed chinnu i totally failed. I made wrong decisions all my life an i can never forgive myself for this.
But u know life is there no matter wat happens i have to live it and i know i have to live it without YOU. I just want to congratulate u for ur new and happy life. I completely undertand u have to move on and gotta lead a life. Wish u all the best. i just want to tell u one thing. u will be only love and no one can take that place of urs.
I love you

muddu

hey chinnu,

nange ode ondu request ide en gotta? nan deliveryge hogodrolage onde ondu sala muddu anta karitiy pleaseeee:-( i long to hear that from u but nange adanna nin hatra helake dhyrya illa:-( huh! eno ella ontara eno sari ila ansta ide:-( i just hope this misery ends....take care

i love u always

nanu

Neenillda jagatinalli kavitegalu huttuvudilla

novugalu saayuvudilla...
Neenillada edeyalli haadilla

Neenillada angaladi haseyilla
Neenillada koralalli daniyilla

Neenillada hakkiyali iniyilla
Neenillada kaleyalli natyavilla

Neenillada tolalli appugeyilla
Neenillada irulalli taregalilla

Neenillada kangalali kanasilla

Neenillada nannalli nanilla

Chinnu,

I am missing you terribly....wish there could b few words thru which i could describe how much pain i am going thru.....i love you tumba tumba tumba.......cant we ever ever be like before:-( i am sorry to ask u this but nange agta illa ninna bittu iroke....life feels so scary...i know this is wrong and u will never want me but nange eno gotilla eneno yochne barta ide....uffffffffffff......i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu and ONLY YOU:-(

love

chetu:-(

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii:-)

en madings? I am missing u a lot today! dont know y wish I could just get out of this like u have managed to come out of it:-( but yako sadyane agta illa. I am feeling stuck here. Sometimes i wonder how miserable my life is now and how miserable it would be in future. I couldnt be a good daughter, not a good girlfriend, not a good wife and now not a good mother too:-) what a tragedy alwa.....ok enila sumne yako eneno thoughts barta itu just wanted to actually tell u that I love u a lot and willl always love u......

i love you chinnu

take care

Nanu...

wierd feeling

Some strange feeling kano....
I dont know after a long long time i felt like wrritign somethng for u....tumba aloo barta ide ivatu sanje inda eno kasivisi. I dont know the exact reason, tale ella bhara bhara ansta ide...ello eno sari hogta illa ansta ide kano:-( i know its not true but yako i have a feeling u had gone to see some girl today.
May be i am wrong, i hope i am wrong but then some wierd feeling and its just upsetting me. i tried my best not to feel this way but i am so sorry i just couldnt help. I msgd all possible friends, spoke to everyone possible just to kill time but then u know for me looks like the world has stopped.
I need to learn to distance myself from u, i cannot go on like this. i have to let u free, let u move on but dear i dont know why i am getting so selfish. why do i want to keep u for myself, why do i stillbelieve that u love me and only me:-(
I should accept the fact and reality that u dont love me anymore wy am i not been able to accept thta...cant someone just put some sense into my dumb head:-(
ayyo nange jorag attu bidana ansta ide kano.....uffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff wish i just die this moment:-( good night and I LOVE YOU tumba...............................

Dead in ur heart

ivatige ninge nan mele bari preeti alla nin olage nanu sattu tumba dinagale agogide anta gottaytu. nange jwara anta helid melu ondu phone madila, ondu msgalli hegidiya antanu kelilwala ninu:-( nan ashtond kettavla? hagadre nin yak nan jothe matadta idiya? only reason that I am ur colleague? if true then i dont want that kano...i will quit. i dont want that courtesy from u i dont want that formality from u.......i know i have lost u completely and I am dead forever. Hey, why I am I feeling so sucidal. why am i feeling so miserable. i am tired of crying kano...have been cryin throught the day ivatu i dont want to cry anymore.I will have to stop all this.....but one thing is for sure I love u and will love u till I die (hopefully death will come ASAP) ok all the best for ur life. bear with me for the next 45 days and thenafter that I will not bother u ever:-( I will even forget the FACT that I ever loved u:-( i hate myself i hate this world i am living in.....i hate everything abt everyone around me including myself:-(

good night i love you

Feeling so insulted

Hiiiii
yako gotilla manasu bhara bhara ansta ide chinnu:-( en gotta nin nanna eshtu avoid madta idiya,ignore madta idiya andre nange nan melene asaya ansak shuru agogide:-( feeling miserable. I think its high time I came out of this...ishtu dina i atleast had ths blog to express my feelings for u but nange itichege aa feelings bandrene asayya ansak shuru agide...on one side, I am trying to convince u to love me when i know there is no outcome of this relationship on the other I am trying to tell myself that I shouldnt be loving u and I should stop having feelings for u. At this stage of my life, I am so confused though I clearly know its only u and ur love that i want. I am so unlucky chinnu, I can never get u, i can never make u mine:-(.
Every time when u dont reply to my msgs I feel like killing myself, there have been many times i have even stood in front of the mirror and cursed myself for behaving like this.
Hey, sooner or later u will get married, u will have a wife, a family how will I face all that. I have decided I am not gonna come backto journalism, this break i am going to take will be the end of it. I cannot face u and I will never be able to work with u.
Every second i live in this constant insecurity. I am constantly worried abt u forgetting me. Everytime u get rude with me I feel u have lost all respect for me and look at me like one cheap.................. pche gotilla kano yako ivatu eneno ansta ide...belige i have cried for almost an hour, munche atleast if i cry i could immediatley call u and tell u that i cried but now i cannot even tell this to u....i dont even know if u remember there is one such blog in which i am pourin gout my feelings...i dont know if all this will have any effect on u. may be u dont even want to know. I know u r trying to come out of this relationship and come to terms with whatever i did to u....but why am i stuck here:-( whycant i just come out of this NOW. I feel so insulted, irritated, frustrated, depressed always, emotional fool........i am tired of this. my self esteem is being hit majorly , i am feeling like i have no self respect and I feel everyone around me is walking over me....its a miserable feeeling:-( i hate myself
good night
bye

hamari thodi si bewafaai

u know radiodalli ondu hadu barta ide i loved it just felt like posting it here:

हज़ार रहे मुद के देखीं
कहीं से कोई सदा न आई
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी बेवफाई
जहाँ से तुम मोड़ मुद गए थे
ये मोड़ अब ही वहीँ पड़े हैं
हम अपने पैरों में जाने कितने
भंवर लपेटे हुए खड़े हैं
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी बेवफाई*
कहीं किसी रोज़ यूँ भी होता
हमारी हालत तुम्हारी होती
जो रात हमें गुज़री मरर के
वो रात तुमने गुज़री होती
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी बेवफाई*
तुम्हे ये जिद थी के हम बुलाते
हमें ये उम्मीद वो पुकारें
है नाम होटों पे अब भी लेकिन
आवाज़ में पड़ गई दरारें
हज़ार रहे मुद के देखीं
कहीं से कोई सदा न आई
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी .....

I love you dear! its been four days since i saw you i feel so wierd coz u dont seem to missme at all. this means everything abt me in u is over:-( i have accepted it dear and will definitely try not to hurt u by sending u stupid msgs, or bugging u with my stupid questions. l love u and will always do and only you:-) u r mine already now i dont care if u want me to be urs or not....i have decided not to expect anything in return from u. but i will always be there waiting for th one i love u sweetheart!
take care and good night chweetu
love u lot

happy valentine's day!

Hi sweetie pie.
Happy Valentine's Day! Belated! sorry i am writing it so late tried a lot to write it on 14th itself but I just couldnt. hey you know something today's air show visit was not sooooo bad as I told everbody, i badly wanted to say that I had a great time!
After our trip to Goa I had never spent a whole day with you....but on Valentine's Day I spent the whole day with my valentine! I wish I could spend the night too:-)
Hey that evening when u were sleeping in the bus I felt like hugging you and crying loudly! I wanted to tell u right there how much I love u how much I need u:-(
You are so good, I know I dont deserve u, i m not worth it but en madli i just cant forget it or ignore u, sweetu I miss u......
Hey, enila bidu..... happy valentine's day again andthank you so much for being with me and taking care of me so much! I love u again.
love,

I realised u dont need me anymore

Hi chinnu bangara,
sumne yako belige belige nin hatra matadbeku anstu adke call madide:-)ratri ella message madi madi thale tinde ansate alwa:-) sorry sorry.... hey u know something it suddenly struck to me this morning that u dont love me anymore, u dont think Iam urs anymore.....otherwise yesterday when I showed u my child hood pix atleast courtesygadru cute agide antide alwa:-) your reaction was so cold! I was so excitd to show u that pix but realised later, only this morning I shouldnt have.
Why am I expecting so much in return when I dont deserve all this? You have 100 why's for me and I have only one? Why did I love u and only you:-(
hey u r my life. you are the reason for me to breathe...............wish I had spoken to u atleast once before I made these decisions. I was so stupid that I thought it wil all be fine, u will be happy and I will be happy. uffffffffffffffff now ok ok bye
love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu tumba tumba tumba
Only yours

love u

Chinnu i have to tell u something honestly pls bejar madko beda ivatu i reallly wanted to hug u and kiss u....i was feeling so miserable also happy that I was seeing u afer 24 hours. hey, i love you tumba tumba tumba.... chinnu I will die without u.....everything i see around me reminds me of u...i am at amma mane iga and every corner of this room reminds me of u and the sweet moments we have had here:-( i wish those days were back.
And u know something my possessiveness for u is not coming down day by day its increasing i am worried about it:-( a small comment or a sweet talk u do with any girl is upsetting me too much...ok will write tom
i love you again
good night:-)

a msg which actually shook me up

Ufffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff..................... I am still breathing! What a msg it was! hey, this one msg of urs was enough for me to stop calling u, msging u, telling u how much i love u. I dont knw what made u say all this and for how many months u had actually wanted to tell it to me........But finally i made u say it...how could i have been so insensitive...just coz i loved u and love u how could I even think that u should also love me though we can never lead our lives together. what was on my mind?i had probably gone insane......but u know something....no u dont...i still love u and will love u. You are in me now there's no way out for me. My baby, yes, it is special but not for me. I am being honest. Now, this is th eonly place where i can talk to u. this blog is just for u and will always remain for u......if u ever want to know my feelings pls log on and read it coz only u know the id.....no one else.
I love u more than anyone...i am repeating anyone in this world and the other world too:-) i do respect ur words and it is for ur sake and only ur sake that i stopped saying i love u to u or i stpped getting mushy with u. I dont know why i am delivering its not mine and can never be mine...u know u might somedaylaugh it off but then for me our love was always serious and will be serious.....will never and can never think of not loving u.....nothing from my side will change within a month,nine months, a year or whatever till i die.
And here's the msg u sent: Hello u stop these mes'ges atleast for that kid, if not for my sake, u should respect that little one, at least it should get ur uncompromising love, hey dont feel bad.
huh! i dont know how many hours i have cried after this....i dont know how many times i have read nd reread thismsg...now i know it byheart:-)
take care honey. i love u again!
chetu