Feeling so insulted

Hiiiii
yako gotilla manasu bhara bhara ansta ide chinnu:-( en gotta nin nanna eshtu avoid madta idiya,ignore madta idiya andre nange nan melene asaya ansak shuru agogide:-( feeling miserable. I think its high time I came out of this...ishtu dina i atleast had ths blog to express my feelings for u but nange itichege aa feelings bandrene asayya ansak shuru agide...on one side, I am trying to convince u to love me when i know there is no outcome of this relationship on the other I am trying to tell myself that I shouldnt be loving u and I should stop having feelings for u. At this stage of my life, I am so confused though I clearly know its only u and ur love that i want. I am so unlucky chinnu, I can never get u, i can never make u mine:-(.
Every time when u dont reply to my msgs I feel like killing myself, there have been many times i have even stood in front of the mirror and cursed myself for behaving like this.
Hey, sooner or later u will get married, u will have a wife, a family how will I face all that. I have decided I am not gonna come backto journalism, this break i am going to take will be the end of it. I cannot face u and I will never be able to work with u.
Every second i live in this constant insecurity. I am constantly worried abt u forgetting me. Everytime u get rude with me I feel u have lost all respect for me and look at me like one cheap.................. pche gotilla kano yako ivatu eneno ansta ide...belige i have cried for almost an hour, munche atleast if i cry i could immediatley call u and tell u that i cried but now i cannot even tell this to u....i dont even know if u remember there is one such blog in which i am pourin gout my feelings...i dont know if all this will have any effect on u. may be u dont even want to know. I know u r trying to come out of this relationship and come to terms with whatever i did to u....but why am i stuck here:-( whycant i just come out of this NOW. I feel so insulted, irritated, frustrated, depressed always, emotional fool........i am tired of this. my self esteem is being hit majorly , i am feeling like i have no self respect and I feel everyone around me is walking over me....its a miserable feeeling:-( i hate myself
good night
bye

hamari thodi si bewafaai

u know radiodalli ondu hadu barta ide i loved it just felt like posting it here:

हज़ार रहे मुद के देखीं
कहीं से कोई सदा न आई
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी बेवफाई
जहाँ से तुम मोड़ मुद गए थे
ये मोड़ अब ही वहीँ पड़े हैं
हम अपने पैरों में जाने कितने
भंवर लपेटे हुए खड़े हैं
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी बेवफाई*
कहीं किसी रोज़ यूँ भी होता
हमारी हालत तुम्हारी होती
जो रात हमें गुज़री मरर के
वो रात तुमने गुज़री होती
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी बेवफाई*
तुम्हे ये जिद थी के हम बुलाते
हमें ये उम्मीद वो पुकारें
है नाम होटों पे अब भी लेकिन
आवाज़ में पड़ गई दरारें
हज़ार रहे मुद के देखीं
कहीं से कोई सदा न आई
बड़ी वफ़ा से निभाई तुमने
हमारी थोडी सी .....

I love you dear! its been four days since i saw you i feel so wierd coz u dont seem to missme at all. this means everything abt me in u is over:-( i have accepted it dear and will definitely try not to hurt u by sending u stupid msgs, or bugging u with my stupid questions. l love u and will always do and only you:-) u r mine already now i dont care if u want me to be urs or not....i have decided not to expect anything in return from u. but i will always be there waiting for th one i love u sweetheart!
take care and good night chweetu
love u lot

happy valentine's day!

Hi sweetie pie.
Happy Valentine's Day! Belated! sorry i am writing it so late tried a lot to write it on 14th itself but I just couldnt. hey you know something today's air show visit was not sooooo bad as I told everbody, i badly wanted to say that I had a great time!
After our trip to Goa I had never spent a whole day with you....but on Valentine's Day I spent the whole day with my valentine! I wish I could spend the night too:-)
Hey that evening when u were sleeping in the bus I felt like hugging you and crying loudly! I wanted to tell u right there how much I love u how much I need u:-(
You are so good, I know I dont deserve u, i m not worth it but en madli i just cant forget it or ignore u, sweetu I miss u......
Hey, enila bidu..... happy valentine's day again andthank you so much for being with me and taking care of me so much! I love u again.
love,

I realised u dont need me anymore

Hi chinnu bangara,
sumne yako belige belige nin hatra matadbeku anstu adke call madide:-)ratri ella message madi madi thale tinde ansate alwa:-) sorry sorry.... hey u know something it suddenly struck to me this morning that u dont love me anymore, u dont think Iam urs anymore.....otherwise yesterday when I showed u my child hood pix atleast courtesygadru cute agide antide alwa:-) your reaction was so cold! I was so excitd to show u that pix but realised later, only this morning I shouldnt have.
Why am I expecting so much in return when I dont deserve all this? You have 100 why's for me and I have only one? Why did I love u and only you:-(
hey u r my life. you are the reason for me to breathe...............wish I had spoken to u atleast once before I made these decisions. I was so stupid that I thought it wil all be fine, u will be happy and I will be happy. uffffffffffffffff now ok ok bye
love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu tumba tumba tumba
Only yours

love u

Chinnu i have to tell u something honestly pls bejar madko beda ivatu i reallly wanted to hug u and kiss u....i was feeling so miserable also happy that I was seeing u afer 24 hours. hey, i love you tumba tumba tumba.... chinnu I will die without u.....everything i see around me reminds me of u...i am at amma mane iga and every corner of this room reminds me of u and the sweet moments we have had here:-( i wish those days were back.
And u know something my possessiveness for u is not coming down day by day its increasing i am worried about it:-( a small comment or a sweet talk u do with any girl is upsetting me too much...ok will write tom
i love you again
good night:-)

a msg which actually shook me up

Ufffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff..................... I am still breathing! What a msg it was! hey, this one msg of urs was enough for me to stop calling u, msging u, telling u how much i love u. I dont knw what made u say all this and for how many months u had actually wanted to tell it to me........But finally i made u say it...how could i have been so insensitive...just coz i loved u and love u how could I even think that u should also love me though we can never lead our lives together. what was on my mind?i had probably gone insane......but u know something....no u dont...i still love u and will love u. You are in me now there's no way out for me. My baby, yes, it is special but not for me. I am being honest. Now, this is th eonly place where i can talk to u. this blog is just for u and will always remain for u......if u ever want to know my feelings pls log on and read it coz only u know the id.....no one else.
I love u more than anyone...i am repeating anyone in this world and the other world too:-) i do respect ur words and it is for ur sake and only ur sake that i stopped saying i love u to u or i stpped getting mushy with u. I dont know why i am delivering its not mine and can never be mine...u know u might somedaylaugh it off but then for me our love was always serious and will be serious.....will never and can never think of not loving u.....nothing from my side will change within a month,nine months, a year or whatever till i die.
And here's the msg u sent: Hello u stop these mes'ges atleast for that kid, if not for my sake, u should respect that little one, at least it should get ur uncompromising love, hey dont feel bad.
huh! i dont know how many hours i have cried after this....i dont know how many times i have read nd reread thismsg...now i know it byheart:-)
take care honey. i love u again!
chetu

end of the year

Today is December 31, 2008 the year is ending and sadly this time its ending on a very sad note for me....nin nan jothe illa and inyavathu iralla:-( i have decided to change my life completely from tom. I want to forget u but i know i will never ever be able to do that. i love u more than myself and its ur name i breathe so i can forget u only after i stop breathing...
u know something, i was in such a lovely place yesterday he was with me and u wont believe theres not been a single second i didnt think of u...u were there on my mind throughout...even when i am talking to him i was thinking abt u........pche i love u so much gotta!
U said it's all over and u dont want to even remember or talk abt the past but it has never been a thing of past what do i do? I have to live with a man whom i dont love forever in my life till my last breathe...
you said my decisions are not made by me and that is why u dont love me bt u know something i made this decision. It was me who decided to go back to him only after realising that nothing will work. we will not be able to convince my parents or him. I was sure i will not get divorced and he will ensure my life becomes as miserable as it get i was ready to face all this but not at ur cost.....i didnt want to trouble u....,may be u dont want to believe all this and u might laugh it out but i am being honest.
When i see u in office, my heart really skips a beat i will be all prepared to face u and i will be all convinced to forget u and talk to u just like a friend but.....it doesnt happen so....why....i dont know..... may be coz that's love!
I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU!!!!! WISH U A VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! MAY ALL UR DREAMS COME TRUE.............